Holding Healthy Boundaries

'Middle of the road' flickrcc.net

‘Middle of the road’ flickrcc.net

Is someone crossing the line with you? We all know what it feels like to have our personal boundaries violated, but do we all know what to do about it? In my experience, developing and maintaining boundaries is difficult for many. It’s directly related to the ability to know our value, stand in our power, and feel safe.

There’s a profound reason that boundaries are often breached: the free will of all of humanity has been invaded by the negative alien agenda. This is the ultimate violation of a person’s sovereignty. Our Divine blueprint has been usurped and modified, so we all hold this cellular memory. There’s been a long-standing intention to diminish our power. The parasitic, consumptive model on this planet has instilled a “think of yourself first” attitude. Addiction patterns of victimization, and the installation of the predatory mind has created bullies and intimidators. Mind control has invaded our brain circuitry and central nervous system. So it’s no wonder that the grand illusion of feeling undervalued can grip us at times. Therefore, our learning is to master relationships within the Law of One/Unity Consciousness and that includes respecting boundaries.

These planetary boundary violations manifest down into abusive relationship and family dynamics of physical, mental, emotional or spiritual abuse, through intimidation, attack, manipulation, violence, offensive touching, or purposeful embarrassment. As children, many of us had caregivers that didn’t know what it meant to truly respect us as a person, so violations had to be tolerated and we had to find ways to cope. For some, without any other experiences to serve as a comparison, abuses just seemed to be ordinarily common as a way of life and didn’t consciously register as abuse. However, the inner child knows the feeling of a violation all too well and would say it felt “unsafe”, “like I didn’t matter”, “as though I was invisible”, or “like I had no voice”.  The latter was my perspective; I was controlled by being told what to do and who to obey, or I was met with a disapproving glare for voicing my anger, so I eventually learned to say nothing. I felt unrecognized and diminished. Without conscious awareness, our feelings of powerlessness can beget boundary violations of others in an effort to gain power, and feelings of inferiority stir the need to assert superiority. The value in healing our wounds is not only to improve our well-being but to break the generational and societal patterns, and synthesize the polarities to unity.

Healthy boundaries come from standing in our power and being self-responsible. Here are just a few key considerations that may help you to respect your own boundaries and those of others:

  • raise your consciousness to what can specifically trigger you into allowing someone to cross the line with you; what was the pattern in your childhood?
  • take steps to heal your wounds (contact me if you feel you need healing support)
  • anchor respect for yourself in order for others to respect you
  • know yourself: your own values, your truth, and what matters to you; it’s worth taking the time to reflect on this to establish a foundation that serves as a guide for what’s permissible and what is not
  • learn how to feel in-the-moment in order to discern what feels supportive and what feels like a violation so that you can respond accordingly; this can be challenging if your emotions never mattered or fear dominated all else, but you can’t make it safe for yourself if you’re not aware of what you’re experiencing; learn to trust yourself
  • remember that most people are well-intentioned and may not be aware of how they are behaving; if someone is emotionally attacking or manipulating you, they are feeling unsafe or powerless in some way themselves, and doing their best also
  • be willing to speak up for yourself/your inner child and respectfully point out when your boundaries are being violated, and do this consistently and repeatedly if need be
  • acknowledge and thank those who honour your boundary requests, and let go of those who can’t
  • you have a right to feel safe and seek safety first if violations are extreme and/or your physical well-being is at risk of harm
  • know the various ways the controller in you tries to control others and crosses the line, and what triggers it
'Arts and Works #4' flickrcc.net

‘Arts and Works #4’ flickrcc.net

Here’s one suggested exercise for clarifying the felt sense of your boundary. Firstly, take the time to drop into your body and bring to mind a scenario where you felt violated in some way, and notice where in your body you could feel the effect. Note the sensations and how you felt in your powerlessness, inadequacy, invisibility, ecetera. Note your posture. Experiment with other memories to discern which sensations are consistent, or which part of your body feels it the most and alerts you to a violation. Typically the solar plexus will feel it like a punch in the gut, but it can also register in the root chakra as instability from fear, or even in the heart like the stab of betrayal. Clear your energy. Then secondly, take the time to recall a direct experience of standing firmly in your power and note how that feels  in your body. If you don’t have a direct experience to draw upon, imagine how it would feel to be assured, grounded, fearless and neutral. The difference between the first awareness in this exercise and the second now becomes your barometer for subsequent experiences so you can feel when your boundaries are starting to be pushed.

Those of awakening consciousness have a noteworthy boundary issue that comes with being open, empathic, telepathic, and intuitive. If you have ever been on the receiving end of having someone tell you what they read in your energy field without you having invited it, or without them having asked your permission, you know this can feel “icky”. The reading of our energies is not under “creative commons license”, although amongst friends and in circles of safety we can become more casual about this with the intention of being helpful or supportive. However, its valuable to remind ourselves from time to time that we are responsible for our own energies and others are responsible for theirs. It’s important that we remember each person has a right to self-determination, privacy, and to live with their own choices as they grow, no matter what others may think or feel about it. Any person can feel quite emotionally vulnerable at times, so to read their energies and share it without respectful consideration of the impact is to risk re-assaulting their wounds. At times, we may pick up information from another or about another quite effortlessly, but that doesn’t mean we have to automatically share it, or worse, assume we know about a person through that snapshot of information. We need to ask permission, and if necessary, let others know what is permissible and not for us. If delivering a message of truth, let’s always intend to be gentle, sensitive, and acknowledge their feelings.

Healing Heart

Healing Heart by Amâeil

Each experience that reflects our boundaries or lack thereof can teach us about our power.  When we are clear about who we are, including our inherent and equal value that nothing or nobody can take from us, our ability to hold our boundaries in self-respect becomes more effortless. Our boundaries are indeed organic to us, but we are all learning how to live in peace and harmony with ourselves and others. So whenever we happen to allow boundary violations or violate another, let’s return to compassion and forgiveness, and soften our hearts.

Copyright 2015 (Amâeil) Melinda Urban www.MelindaUrban.com All Rights Reserved

“……relationship is your responsibility.
You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you. You can choose.”
Deborah Day


“Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring because I don’t do things your way. I care about me too.”
Christine Morgan

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