The Key to Healing Abandonment

It’s quite common to feel abandoned. Whether you were separated accidentally from Mom/Dad as a child, felt left behind during their divorce, or shaken by the death of your parent, the trauma lingers. Perhaps you felt alone and unsupported when your needs weren’t met repeatedly. Or maybe you feel the deep grief of disconnection from your true Cosmic Parents.

Abandonment remains emotionally painful if what you learned as a child is a mis-trust of others, uncertainty that someone will be ‘there’ for you when you need them, and a sense that you’re not worthy of having your needs met. It fosters hurt, disappointment and fear.

If left unhealed, you’ll seek to resolve this pain, and as an adult, look outwardly to others to once and for all be acknowledged, respected, and assured. There’s a yearning for this, and needs turn into neediness. You compromise your boundaries because your inner child wants continual closeness and nurturing, and you will tolerate a lot in return for that affection, and a sense of security. You may do this to the degree that you abandon what is true for you and your own needs.

However, because of what you came to believe about yourself and your perceptions of betrayal and rejection, you will keep experiencing more abandonment and separation, no matter who you turn to. And you keep abandoning yourself.

At the core, you live in such a way as to avoid betrayal and rejection, and your deepest fear – being alone again.

In truth, nobody else can always meet your needs. As a child, of course, you needed your parents’ love and for them to meet your needs. But you cannot keep waiting and hoping for that as an adult. Many do. There is only one source of constant assurance and unwavering support – you. Not your wounded self but your God-self.

The pain can only be healed when you’re willing to confront yourself in your fear. This requires that you spend nurturing time with yourself – alone, without any distractions:

  • If you feel that someone is not responding to your needs as you would like, turn inward toward the awareness of your own feelings so that you can tend to them with loving care. This is what your inner child has been needing. Be willing to listen to his/her emotions, and stay in your own power by supporting yourself. Fulfill your own needs accordingly.
  • If your tendency is to almost automatically look to others for opinions, support, or distraction, take some time to be with yourself first and look to your own company or inner wisdom. Each occasion that you do cultivates self-trust and self-reliance, and fortifies your authentic power.
  • If you feel rejected by anyone, don’t take it personally. Recognize that their behaviour is a reflection of their own wounds. Instead, reassure your own inner child that s/he is okay no matter what has transpired. Deepen the bond with your inner child with lovingkindness and acceptance of him/her.

Take the time to know your inner child, and be his/her loving God-Parent.  You need not feel powerless anymore. This is the love you’ve wanted all along. This is your freedom!

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Please also see: When Togetherness is Too Much

Listen: 5:24 mins. (first turn off the website’s background chant – top right of this page)


Book a healing session to face your fear of abandonment and support yourself to be peace in your own heart.

♥ ♥ ♥

2019-2023 (Amâeil) Melinda Urban