These days everything around us and within us can feel intense. You may find yourself asking yourself or perhaps asking others, “Where is all this taking us?” It would be understandable if you’re in quandary about this; there’s a lot of speculation being tossed around, rising unrest and unsettling reveals. It’s not unusual to ask this; it’s almost a default commentary in much the same way we make small talk about the weather. I have found myself asking this question too. But to be truthful and accurate, I wouldn’t say that it’s natural for us to do so. The ego personality, specifically the victim, would the part that asks a question like this. Its reference point is external. To turn that around, perhaps a more powerful question is, “Where am I taking the world?”
We all learned to look externally for answers. Every child is dependent upon their parents in their early years. Whether s/he eventually learns a true, healthy sense of self depends on whether his/her parents validated their feelings, their differences, choices and decisions, or overrode them in favour of parental control. Often it was just easier for the caregiver to be authoritarian, since they themselves did not learn how to validate their own feelings and their own value; their wounds carried forward. So, like many, you may have learned to look to others before looking to yourself. I know I did. And based on my experience with clients, it still very common in adults on this planet because we have forgotten who we are.
The continued need for external validation is rooted in feelings of inferiority. Inferior self-perceptions manifest in many different core beliefs: I am wrong, inadequate, bad, unworthy, unlovable, etc.
Only the inferior ego needs to play the game of seeking assurances from someone it deems superior and more valuable. Pretty much anything that makes this victim feel better about itself will suffice:
- it often asks everyone else’s advice
- looks for approval of its accomplishments and appearances
- seeks to be included through social status, titles, elitism, and monetary and material wealth
- likes being told it’s right
- revels in accolades
- seeks stimulus to feel good/high
- will give in order to look good and receive ‘love’ in return
- denies its own gifts
When any one of these strategies is frequently engaged, you perpetuate dependency on external referencing, and deny the nurturance of your inner, core strength.
The inner ego-tyrant is one aspect of the lower self that will perpetuate the negative, inferiority messages, hunting you down to create a great deal of doubt about yourself. Try to step into your truth and it might scornfully ask, “Who do you think you are?”
How do you act as the tyrant with yourself? The following behaviours are characteristic of this victimizer patterning. Remember that your own inner tyrant may be extreme or manifest in a milder version of these qualities:
- controlling
- oppressive
- degrading/demeaning
- authoritarian
- unjust
- cruel
- destroying
- dictatorial
- critical
- lacking empathy
- fear-mongering
- pushy
- boss
- self-important/narcissistic
- arbitrary/impulsive
- selfish
- blaming
- glib
- exploitive
- abusive
- dominant
- secretive/closed
Nobody really likes to acknowledge that they feel inferior or that they have an enemy tyrant within. So, this fragile, inferior self fears being found out and often hides in your shadow self, unseen and unacknowledged. This is what allows it to unconsciously dictate your self-perception, and consequently your behaviours. Sometimes so much so that you can use such an archetype as your identity, as though this is who you are.
When left unhealed, you not only reinforce your own diminishment, but you can project your shame onto others, victimizing them by judging them or trying to diminish their sense of Self. Oftentimes, the tyrant will appear when you are emotionally triggered by someone or something. If you are not conscious of your reaction, you may move into a controlling pattern, attempting to manipulate the other person using tyrannical behaviour. In this case, your inner tyrant is trying to energetically rebalance the inequality that you perceive between your own inferiority and the superiority of the other.
Please see my free tool Manipulation Awareness for the telltale signs that your own vulnerabilities are being used to manipulate another, or when someone is being used to manipulate you, to throw you off your spiritual centre.
Gratefully, on a planetary level, we are beginning to bring an end to the tyrant archetype, though it may take a while. This has been a prevalent, dark, parasitic, victimizer mind control program on Earth for a very long time, influencing minds, attitudes and behaviours. We are now seeing it with greater transparency as it shifts out; as an example, to get a good sense of how the tyrant behaves, we only need to look at how protestors are sometimes treated when police officers abuse their power. We can look to the top of many hierarchical structures too. Of course, global change begins within, and this is an opportune time to face your inner tyrant and release it. The services I offer make this very possible and help bring you back to your core Spirit.
There is a difference between asking for support and looking for external validation. The difference lies in the seeker’s energy field. If you deem yourself to be inferior, usually subconsciously, you will give your power to someone whom you feel is superior to you, and trust them more than yourself. But if you engage in support with another and you are neutral (neither superior nor inferior within yourself), the exchange is a vehicle for self-expression and clarity. A meaningful conversation serves as a mirror to reflect your own thoughts and considerations, and either you hear this in the words you are expressing, or what the other person offers from their perspective. It can widen the lens from which you have been viewing your experience. At the most, you temporarily lean on another to gather your own inner strength, not collapse in victimization in the hopes of being rescued. The difference in the two forms of exchange is the consciousness with which you are present.
It’s worth noting that, in some cases, individuals will resolutely keep to themselves and appear to be self-validating and inward focused, but they do this because they are afraid to be authentic and connect, in trust, with others. In their separation, their reference point is still externally driven.
The definition of self-validation was given to me as “knowing your own Self as God”. This says everything! Once you know that you are God-Source nothing external holds more value than you (and nothing is less than you either). The ego-fears and ego-games, of course, become obsolete. The focus of reference is within. You have freedom.
A significant part of the healing journey is cultivating self-validation as you come to remember who you are:
- releasing ego structures
- acknowledging and accepting your own feelings, and shadow self
- learning to communicate with your Higher Self: inquire and listen
- loving yourself
- integrating polarities into neutrality
- reclaiming soul fragments
- strengthening your authentic power (versus false power)
- learning to be wondrous and curious again
- appreciating your unique gifts
- clarifying your soul purpose
So now, as we have these chaotic phases in our evolution, many people will still look outside themselves for reassurances and rescues, only to find a great deal of questionable information, controlling agendas, unexpected revelations, psychopathic and sociopathic behaviour, unfairness and struggle sweeping the planet. Hold compassion for yourself, and for those who are less aware and finding it difficult to manage these changes.
Relying on your own inner, core Spirit and learning to inquire and listen within is a necessity since things are changing so fast. Only your God-Self can anchor you in a true sense of safety and security, to move forward with assuredness that you will find your calm in the centre of the storm. Without this, you are tossed around unpredictably with all the other whirling debris. But if you nurture this relationship with your God-Self to help you take each step, you will come to trust its reliable, infinite wisdom; it holds an overarching view of the trajectory of your life. You need only inquire within. So that may mean letting go of everything you think you know in this timeline, so you can truly open to what your personality cannot see. It’s time for this now – not tomorrow nor a week from now. You cannot hope that one day the miraculous answers will appear from ‘out there’.
You are your own leader, if you choose to be. If everyone looked to what their God-Self wanted for them, then we would each be playing our part in this amazing collective orchestration. Why would you live by anybody else’s version of who you should be? To be a leader requires you to face change and take chances. When you take those chances, you can either let ego lead you down a tenuous path – since ego often changes its mind – or you can let Spirit lead you. Only your Spirit will guide you, and us, gracefully.
May your inner self be secure and happy, leading you to truth.
If you would like support to release your inner tyrant, Book a Healing Session.
♥ ♥ ♥
2013 (Amâeil) Melinda Urban www.MelindaUrban.com