Neediness goes far deeper than an emotional pull. We often understand neediness to imply an excessive hunger for reassurance, affection or attention. This is commonly true, and this is what I found when I looked up Webster’s definition. But it left me feeling unsatisfied; the description was narrow given my experience with the needs that show up repeatedly from the ego. So I simply asked my vaster consciousness for the definition of ‘neediness’ and received: “a longing beyond choice; the drive to have, get, do or be something without any sense of freedom about it.” This definition is far more powerful; it speaks directly to the restrictions we place on our natural free will, whether that’s with regard to our body, mind, emotions or spirit. Unfortunately, we do it often. Fortunately, it can be easily changed.
The word ‘need’ is far different than ‘want’. Yet, we interchange them with tremendous disregard for the impact they have on our subconscious mind and behaviour. For example, you may often hear yourself say. “I need to get down to work.” Do you feel the pressure in that statement? Pause for a moment to acknowledge the subtle fear implied there; what would happen if you didn’t? But what if you said, “I choose to get down to work”, or “I want to get down to work”? It may help you to breathe a little easier.
Our language often reflects our subconscious beliefs, which are peppered with phrases like “I need to”, “I have to”, and “I must”. In ego dismantling, to shift a challenging issue or concern, we unravel all the subconscious beliefs in a belief cluster as well as the critical root belief. During this process we frequently find numerous programs of obligation and force that eliminate choice and distort desires into necessities. For example, if we examine the issue of control we may find the following beliefs: “I need to have things go my way”, “I need everything to be neat and tidy”, “I have to have everything organized”, “I must know what to expect”, and “I need to do it all.” In just this one common issue we begin to understand how much limitation we place on ourselves unknowingly. It’s not a surprise then that we feel the weightiness of our concerns.
To emphasize the important distinction between necessity and choice let’s look at addiction where ‘need’ overpowers ‘want’. An addict will have a need for an activity or substance. Even though the person knows that the addiction is creating harm to oneself and others, and despite the fact that s/he wants to stop, an addict will still seek relief in destructive habits. There is no choice in this dependency, and there is no freedom.
Even when a statement seems to be supportive it is not when it is encumbered by need. The belief “I need to be loved” can be mistaken as essential to human survival. And yet, it is being fed by a perception of lack in oneself.
Sometimes, as I facilitate core pattern release these beliefs of ‘need’ alert my intuition to an even more deeply rooted energy. I may become aware that these beliefs are vows that are carried over from other lives. As this past life realization emerges from the subconscious into the conscious, clients can receive great clarity and relief in the understanding as to why they’ve had such stubborn resistance to clearing an issue. For example, Suzanna* made a vow never to be a healer again due to past persecution, and this fueled her fear of embracing her calling in this life. A vow can also explain why a matter in someone’s life has unfolded with such intensity. Such was the case for Clarisse*. In this life she had great difficulty knowing herself and believing in her abilities. As for most people, it seemed that her challenge had its root in her family of origin. We gathered that her father’s firm hand and dismissal of her innate gifts caused her inner conflict. However, we discovered that Clarisse held an old vow to be obedient to authority that was standing in her way of claiming her purpose. No doubt it contributed to her relationship with her father. But it also became more evident why she had such overwhelming difficulty in asserting herself and trusting herself in confrontation.
Vows can continue to serve us or not. Therefore it is essential that, as facilitator, I always ask for guidance as to whether the vow is still supporting the soul’s growth of my client. Sometimes vows must remain in tact. More often, past commitments stand in the way of living this life experience to the fullest, with complete autonomy. In this case, they can be released within moments with core pattern release. It is a blessing to be able to let go of past burdens with such ease. To fill the void of this release we then download beliefs that affirm choice instead of need.
Whether or not you exercise your free will to benefit from core pattern release and release yourself from your ‘musts’ and ‘needs’ in this way, do treasure your self-sovereignty. Remain conscious of the language of your life and assert your choice. Declare your freedoms daily and often; say, “I choose to…”, “I have the choice to…”, or “I want to…” Little expressions of freedom in your living will not only empower you and expand you into joy, but create great shifts in mass consciousness. Now, more than ever, let’s claim our Divine right for the sake of all.
*Names have been changed and details omitted to protect the privacy of my clients.