– accepting the difference between ‘should’ve’, ‘could’ve’ and ‘can’t’
‘My name is Nobody’ flickrcc.net
As a psychotherapist, I hear it again and again – the cry of the wounded, inner child: “if only…”, “I wish they had…”, “they should have…”, and “one day they will…” This wishful thinking about Mom and Dad is often at the root of much of life’s dissatisfactions – wishing things to be different than they are. Even if you have moved through much healing, it can still be hidden in your unconscious beliefs and manifest in subtle ways, running your life nonetheless. Until you let it go, you will never find the inner peace that you are seeking. It is key to living with acceptance, and key to humanity’s freedom.
We have a world of people waiting for unconditional love and acceptance. The wounded, inner child is often still seeking to one day receive the love and acceptance that s/he never received from Mom and Dad. But waiting for this is like waiting for Samuel Beckett’s Godot – it will never come. Whether your parents/primary caregivers are alive or transitioned, close to you or estranged, or whether your relationship with them has evolved later in life or not, is almost entirely irrelevant. It’s your very young, wounded inner child that is hoping mom and dad will one day be different than they were in the past. Unconditional love may have always been lacking in the family dynamics in some form, or in one or two formative moments. No matter; once the original pain was created, your adapted inner child will continue to misguidedly project this search for love into all relationships and their surrounding life circumstances – looking, hoping and waiting.
While it’s entirely understandable that your inner child would want love, and would have wanted things to be different, it’s the continued expectation that your parents should have been different than they were that will create suffering for you. Same applies to expecting how they should be now, or how others should be. It’s a judgment by your ego, coming from your ego’s need, based in the future, and will only lead to disappointment when it’s not met. The expectation of how someone should be makes an authoritative conclusion about another’s state of consciousness. It does not allow you to meet them as they are, in the present. Further, by expecting someone to be other than they are, you dishonor the inherent spiritual purpose and equal value of each and every person, whether or not this is fully actualized through their personality.
The reason your parents did not meet your expectation of love and acceptance is that they couldn’t in that moment and therefore, didn’t. Similarly, the reason someone may not meet an expectation of yours is because they can’t and don’t. I’m not saying that it’s not possible. In fact, at any moment, there are many possibilities, and one is chosen. I believe that each person makes a choice to the best of their ability, experience, knowledge, skills and state of consciousness, at that moment. This is not to condone unloving behaviour, as each person is responsible for themselves. However, included in that moment are influencing limitations (limiting beliefs, painful emotions, traumas, distorted self-perceptions, karma, miasma, etc.).
Acceptance of your parents is key to acceptance of all others and yourself, so let me state this again in a different way: if your parents had had a different state of consciousness in that moment, they could have made a more effective, supportive and loving choice, but they didn’t have a different state of consciousness so they couldn’t and didn’t make this choice. To be succinct, if someone could, they would, but they can’t, so they don’t.
It’s not always easy for the inner child to allow this to register as the simple truth. The statements above may seem obvious, but it’s something that I have found myself emphasizing to clients. Many adults will intellectually grasp that their parents did the best that they could, and hold this view without blame. Yet, the emotional acceptance of this by the inner child is entirely different and necessary for healing.
Therefore, the second reason that someone cannot meet your expectation now is because of your state of consciousness. This is the only one over which you have any control. If your inner child is still looking for love ‘out there’ based upon a wound of the past, then you are living with a perception of lack within yourself. Nobody will ever be able to heal this but you. And it’s not through expectations of yourself, but love for yourself. Your inner child must stop waiting for love from mom or dad, your husband, wife or lover, or anyone else. The unconditional acceptance that your inner child is seeking must come from within you. You are the love that you’ve been seeking.
Recognizing your God-Self as your true parent is vital to breaking patterns of lovelessness both for you and for the collective, because the causation of the illusion is in humanity’s enslavement history. This confusing story about where love should be found has been anchored on this planet through a victimizer mind control program called the ‘false parent’ program. Through this program, the negative alien agenda has intended to create dysfunction, emotional disconnection, and a digression of consciousness. So, as you learn to be the parent to your inner child, to become One within as Divine Mother, Father and Child, you are freed from this program and the pain of your upbringing, and free to forgive, and have relationships Sourced in love.
For support in clearing the ‘false parent’ program (and its related karmic patterns, attachments, soul fragmentation, etc.) through your emotional ego story, beliefs and through all levels of your spiritual-energetic architecture where this software program resides, please contact me. I integrate energy psychotherapy with multi-dimensional healing through the AoA Hieros Gamos Intelligence Technology (Divine Sacred Marriage).
Accepting another’s state of consciousness can be especially challenging for Indigos and Starseeds who incarnated on Earth from a different dimensionalized time and space, often with a greater expanded consciousness than their parents. Indigos and Starseeds are often labelled as the black sheep in their family, and see, feel and know things with greater awareness than their parents, and even siblings. Some clients have related to me that, as children, they tried to awaken their parents and help them to make more effective choices. I know I did. This was often a survival need for the child, but also a source of shame for not being successful, and unfortunately creating self-rejection.
If you are spiritually sensitive, you can easily feel vulnerable to the pain that is created by the unconscious choices of people, from family, to strangers who cross your path, through to corporations and governments. Our world here is largely unfair and unjust. Admittedly, it’s a challenge not to judge, and this is why acceptance occurs through choice, moment to moment. It may help you, as it does me, to remember that the ego never knows the entire history of an individual and why they act as they do, nor will it ever see you as your Higher Self does. The ego cannot see the entire Divine orchestration of the Universe. Therefore, to keep indulging your ego in its judgment of others, and yourself, is to live in narrow-mindedness rather than the open-heartedness of Spirit.
The litmus test to whether you accept the difference between who you think someone should be, could be, or is and isn’t, is simple; witness how your ego/wounded inner child reacts to a parent that just doesn’t seem to see or hear you, or a spouse/partner that disagrees with you, or witness how your emotions are triggered when someone treats you unfairly? Does frustration, anger, or disappointment surface? Or can you hold neutrality and see them for who they are, without judgment and a need to make them different than they are? Be willing to see past the illusion: who are you really frustrated with – them for not meeting your expectation, or yourself for expecting that they should be different? Even so, can you have compassion for yourself?
Acceptance is not to be confused with compromising your own value or being passively resigned – quite the opposite. It means being aware of the way things are and taking hold of it to look at what exists in the moment, your choices and the choices of others. The truth is that you were not responsible for your parents and their unloving actions, or trying to change them, because you were not responsible for their wounding. You are not responsible for others, but you are responsible for standing in the moment with yourself and your own responses.
Waiting for love and acceptance is not only futile but unnecessary. You can stop now. You do not have to wait until you meet some expectation of yourself, or the expectations you think others have of you. The spiritual practice of acceptance is much easier when you heal your inner child. No better time than the present to open your heart, forgive, and love yourself with Divine grace. May it be so.
Are you still painfully waiting for acceptance? Book a healing session.